Tuesday, December 11, 2012


I went to the store to buy a calendar for the New Year.  I do this about the same time at the end of each year.  Then I take an evening and transfer vital information from the out-going calendar to the new one.  I had been intending to go for the past week ... but I just could not seem to 'get there'.

Typically there will be a basket or rack of some sort, containing a large variety of themes. Wildlife. Baby Animals. Flowers.  Racing Cars. Sports.  And so forth.  I will usually get flowers or landscapes, animals .... Nature.  I figure I will have to look at it for the next year and it should be pictures of something I like.

After circling the store, aisle by aisle in search of the calendar display, I finally located the rack, and to my surprise there was only one selection.  Golf.  I hate golf!  To top it off, I was instantly flooded with thoughts of my dad.  He adored the game.  He would often tell me that he would play every day if he could.  My heart sank as my thoughts then turned tomorrow ... December 12th.  Four months since he's been gone.

I stood in the aisle with the calendar in my hand - staring at it ...  for what seemed like hours ... actual time - about 3 minutes.   Then made my way to the cashier, paid for my items and headed home.  During my walk I caught myself singing hymns.  I had not done that since dad was ill.  The months prior to his death.  Before I knew it, I found myself in the elevator and walking down the hallway to my apartment.  I took off my coat, scarf and boots, unpacked the bags and set the calendar down on the table with the old one and a pen.

I watched my shows, ate dinner, did the dishes, had a shower ... and finally I ran out of things to do.  My eyes fell upon the calendars and with a deep breath, I reached over and grabbed them and began transferring the data from the old to the new.

Each turn of the page was like taking a bullet...

January -The beginning of the New Year without him.

March - Dad's birthday.

May 5th - My trip to Dad's place.

June - Father's Day - Two years since I found him.

July 13th - My next trip to dads - the trip that would never happen.

August 12th - One year since we lost him.

All of my memories of him began to flood over me.  Thoughts of all of the time we never had together.  Thoughts of the precious little time we were given.  Thoughts of how four months later .. the pain still feels like it was just yesterday.

I remember sitting around the dinner table with him on my left.  Holding hands as we said grace.  I can still feel his hand in my hand.  Our hands being the same ... identical on the surface ... one blood flowing beneath the surface.  I can feel his pulse in my own.

I know that my Heavenly Father walks with me. I know that my Earth Father - now in Heaven, walks with me. I knew then that I was meant to buy that calendar.  That it was a gift.  A connection to him.

And I know that somewhere ... beyond the sunrise .... my dad is out there ... doing what he loves.