Monday, August 20, 2012

Thy WILL Be done

Death certainly brings out the best and also the worst in people.  It is through death when you really see what people are made of.

"When people show you who they are, believe them."  - Maya Angelau

I believe that much like when someone drinks too much alcohol and becomes drunk ... you see what is at the core of that person.  Are they violent?  Are they extra mushy and lovey?  Are they a fun drunk?  Lord knows the truth comes out when someone has been drinking.  I believe the truth also comes out through grief.

Since the passing of my father, I have had many, many people reach out to me.  Extending their love, thoughts, condolences, sympathy for my loss.   And because this is a unique situation, which I have been thrust into ... I also have some of these same people declaring their shock and disgust in how I was treated by dad's family.  I have also been offered an abundance of opinions.  Most of which are to get a lawyer. Being informed ... reminded that as dad's daughter I am entitled to a portion of whatever he has left behind.

Dad had a Will, he had life insurance, real estate ... and Lord only knows what else.  And the truth of the matter is ... they are right!  Legally, I am entitled to a portion as dad's daughter.  Especially since thanks to the actions of others, I did not have dad's support while growing up.

An attorney friend of mine asked what I had to 'prove' I was his daughter.  As I have a different mother and last name from my half-sisters.   I have messages on my answering machine ..."Hi Lori, it's dad..."  I have letters signed from Dad ... letters to my daughter signed from Papa.  I have the picture of he and I - and anyone who is not blind can clearly see I am the image of dad - with breasts and longer hair.  I also have DNA.

Those who regularly read my blog know that Dad and members of his family carry the BRCA2 gene, which increases the likelihood of developing various cancers.  Well, dad's DNA has been collected, and when I was tested, my DNA was collected.  It would not be difficult to compare the two samples.

So, yes.  I could very well go after what is my legal entitlement.  And after my conversations, I did think about it for about half a second.  Especially given the way I was treated in such an appalling manner following dad's death by his family.

In my heart, I do believe that is the root of all of this .... dad's Will.  I believe that they decided among themselves that when dad goes - so does Lori!!

To me that speaks volumes about what the priority is.  That whatever money, whether $1 or $1mil.  It was more important to them than I was.  So be it.

For me, it was never about the money.  Even when Karen booked the tickets on her credit card for me to make the trip to visit dad ... I wanted to pay half.  I never once looked for, asked for, expected any money from anyone.  Ever.

In fact, the only thing I had asked for of Tricia when I wrote the letter asking "WHY?" ... was if I could have a cardigan of dad's.   Because I had been given many DVD's of dad preaching ... doing his sermons ... his burgundy cardigan is one of the few things in life that I identify with my dad.  So I asked her if I could have it.

Realistically, what are they going to do with it?  They are all a size 2, dad was heavier like I am .... I expect all of his clothes will be donated to a charity.   So why not let me have the one thing I have asked for?  Spite, that's why.  I do not ever expect to receive the sweater in the mail.  Because that would be the decent thing to do.

As for dad's will.  Like I said, for me .... it was never about the money and since it is so important to them.... they are welcome to it.

Could I make this drag out? Could I force Tricia to sell her home and liquidate all assets?  Absolutely!!!

Would I???  No.

That is not the person I am.  That is not the person dad was.  And I will honor his memory by not persecuting his wife and other children .... even if they have no problem crushing me.

I am actually feeling a bit lighter today.  I have made the decision to give it to God.   All of the anger, the bitterness, the betrayal.  I have decided that it is not for me to punish these people, and for me to carry the toxic energy they have pinned on me, would be to drink poison and wait for the other person to die.  Even if they are not better than that, I am.

I choose to remember my time with dad fondly.  I choose to live life.  I choose to be happy.  I choose move into my future free of guilt.  I pray that they would do what is right and send me dad's cardigan ... but through the lessons learned over the past week .... I will not hold my breath.

Two things I know for sure;
Dad will rest and as he watches over us, he will be proud of me.
As for the rest of them.... I leave it with God to deal with them.

Thy WILL Be Done.